Today is my Baby Daddy's Birthday

 

This morning he woke me up by brushing the hair out of my face.

I immediatley said, "Happy Birthday!"

He laughed and kissed my face

and prayed

for me.

It's the guys birthday and he is sitting at the edge of my bed praying for me.

Drew Jones, the world is better with you in it.

Happy Birthday.

This post has been rated PG-13 for brutal honesty & negativity.

Right now as I write this, it is 6:53 p.m. which is nausea prime-time in my body.


I can't really remember what it's like to be hungry, or having any desire to eat at all.


The smell of Scout makes me gag.


The smell of car exhaust chokes me when driving home from work and makes me want to puke and move to the country.


For some reason, my kitchen curtains make me sick. Just looking at them. I know it doesn't make sense.


I haven't watched HGTV in weeks, because the entire channel makes me feel more nauseous. Can you believe what I'm saying? A CHANNEL OF HOME IMPROVEMENT SHOWS AGGRAVATES MY MORNING SICKNESS. Just typing about it makes me shudder.


This will be funny someday looking back. Today though, it feels more like some sort of sick joke.

Every day that passes I try to cope better. Try to thank God more than question him. Admittedly, I'm not doing that great with this. But I am making an effort.


I have found out something about myself through this,


I am not an inspirational sick person. 


I complain and cry and when people ask how I'm doing glumly state, "terrible". Tonight while forcing down dinner I put my head down and wept on our kitchen island for 10 minutes squeaking to Drew Jones about how I "am just so tired of feeling like this" then blew my nose in my dinner napkin.


I am kind of a train wreck.

Guest Blogger (Part 2 of 2): Drew Jones

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 

(1Corinthians 13)

I hear it at weddings, and have read it many times.  Every time, I glean something new...

Here's the big reveal.  The "parallel" I've realized between making the table and my life.  I'm going to be a dad.  I'll explain.

For most of my adult life I've been looking forward to being a dad.  I've thought about all those "dad" things you do. Changing diapers and learning how to ride a bike.  I realize there's a lot more to it, but I knew that I'd never be able to list everything.  I got the two big ones.   Can you guess which one of those things I'm not looking forward to as much?

My beautiful wife is pregnant and in about 6 months, it's gonna happen.  She'll be a mom and I'll be a dad.  If only it was that simple.

This has been much more difficult than I ever thought.  My poor wife has been sick for almost 3 months straight.  Every day.  I feel so bad for her and there's nothing I can do to help her--aside from making a meal or helping her up to bed.  She's been such an inspiration through it all.  No matter how sick she's felt, she never complains about the baby.  

It's difficult right now because we can't see the end result.  We can't hold our baby.  We haven't even found out if it's a boy or girl yet.  We have to be patient.  I have to be patient.  There it is again.  Patience.  Delayed gratification.  

I know that once this baby comes and we can hold it together, all of the sickness, tears, struggle and impatience will fall away.  

I know it might be a stretch to compare my making a table to the pregnancy and baby, but stay with me.

We started dreaming about this baby this summer, about the same time we started dreaming about a new dining table for our family.  I have memories carved into my family's dining room table.  It's where I used to fight with my brothers about who sits where.  It's where I'd sit long after everyone had finished and have a stare-down with my dinner so that I could have ice cream later.  It's where I'd do my homework, even though I had a desk in my room.  It's where I opened birthday presents and ate birthday cake.  

So making this table, for me, is making something to carve OUR memories into. It's something that I can contribute.  I can't carry the baby (until "Junior" with Arnold Schwarzenegger comes true).  I can't take away her sickness and distress.  Candis is making this baby through patience, love and hard work.  It's a gift from God, but only possible through her.  I'm making this table as a gift for her, so that we have a place to share our meals and our lives in this new season approaching.  I'm making this table so that our child will have a place to learn how to eat with a fork, to throw temper tantrums, to do homework, to open birthday presents and to remember it all.  

I'm putting everything I've got into it.  I'm doing it the right way.  Patiently.  

There's something about delayed gratification that now brings a smile to my face.  

Love is patient.

Guest Blogger (Part 1 of 2): Drew Jones

First off, I feel a lot of pressure to deliver something spectacular after my lovely wife has spoken so highly of of me here on her blog.  Despite my legendary status, I am just a mere man trying to make it a better place to live for my wife and family.  Don't get me wrong, I love all of the compliments and encouragements that "Lady Lee" gives me--it's nice to know what someone thinks of you.  I'm blessed by God to have a wife that loves me like she does. 


The reason I wanted to write on her blog was simple:  I felt like I had something to contribute.  Something, other than proof reading and spellchecking her blogs--which I try to get to all of them, but she sneaks a few past me every now and then.


I like to make things.  Whether it's artwork, building something in the garage, or putting together Ikea furniture, I'm at peace when I'm making something.  There's something in being able to see a finished product at the end of the work I put into it.  Brushstrokes on a painting, sawdust on my jeans, a place to put our TV. Instant gratification.  


I'm working on making something now that parallels my life.  


We've been looking for a dining room table for several months now, and nothing seems just right.  Recently we were watching a show, "The Antonio Treatment" on HGTV and were inspired by him using reclaimed wood in an interior space.  That started the wheels turning.  


About 6 months ago my parents followed their dream and moved into an old farmhouse (from the 1840's) out in the country with  3 barns, a pond and a lot of work to do.  We affectionately call it "Little Red" because it's a little red house, just perfect for them.  I asked my dad if he had any old barn wood he'd be willing to part with and as the generous man he is, he said "of course".  So, one warm September afternoon, I went out to Little Red and picked out a few 8' boards.  As my mom and dad spent the day working on the house and the yard, I spent about an hour and a half power-washing each of the boards to remove years of dirt.  As I was washing them I started thinking about all of the stories those boards could tell--all of the storms they've weathered, the animals they've given shelter to, and the conversations they've heard.  A lot of history written into the woodgrain.


After I brought them home and found a place in my garage for them, I had to wait.  Something Lady Lee hasn't mentioned about me in her blog is that I don't like waiting.  I don't like being patient.  I like to make things because I know that I'll have something after the work I put in.  It was then that I realized this process was going to show me something about delayed gratification.


It was too late that night to begin sanding.  So I had to leave it for another day.  After another week passed I finally bought a proper sander and began to sand down the rough cut boards.  Now, if you don't know much about woodworking you need to know that sanding goes in stages.  First using a low grit of sandpaper and moving up to higher grits until you achieve what you were going for.  I only say that because, once again, I had to be patient and do it the right way.  

I was excited to see how they boards would look when put all together, so I took a break and laid them out in the backyard.  And of course, Scout couldn't pass up a photo op to be featured on the blog...

There's something about the way those old barn boards look together that speaks deep to my soul, making me realize how building this table parallels my life and is much more than wood working...

A Hopeful List

In my head I've kept a list of the things I will do when I am not sick anymore. I thought I'd officially write them down somewhere so that I don't forget when that magical day comes. What better place then here.

THINGS I'LL DO WHEN I'M NOT SICK ANYMORE:

1. Clean my house from top to bottom.

2. Learn how to cook. Nothing fancy, just be able to get decent meals on the table regularly.

3. Invite all my friends out to eat to celebrate. I'll savor every bite of the meal and every face there.

4. Laugh and play with my husband.

5. Exercise.

6. Teach Scout, "come!" and "leave it!". (Realized how much of a necessity these commands are when leaving the couch is unmanageable.)

7. Go on an our annual Autumn Beauty Drive.

8. Post more interesting blogs on here then a list of things I will do when I'm not sick anymore.

9.  Get out my fall clothes and put away summer ones.

10. Start putting together a plan and design for the nursery. :)

11. Put up a current banner so we don't have to look at the pink sunnies anymore.

12. Be very very thankful for the absence of nausea. 

13. Take more walks with Scout. And Drew Jones.

14. Grocery Shop.

15. When people ask how I am, in all honestly say "GREAT!" because that is how I will feel.

16. Do anything at all my Mom or Drew Jones needs me to, because every single day they have encouraged me and let me cry and kept me sane. Cleaned, cooked, prayed and taken care of all I can't.

I'm 13 weeks and looking at 14 with hope, a list, and a little baby growing inside me that I already love.

Well, hello.

I've been gone from computer-land for weeks. 

My banner has remained lodged in time in August 2010. If the internet produced cyber dust, the pink sunnies would have a nice layer on them.

Without a word or explanation I became estranged from this little blog. If you have been confused, I apologize. Although I reassured myself as the weeks went by that I wasn't popular enough for anyone to really notice I was gone.

So now, 7 weeks later I'm coming clean to any of you out there that have noticed.

I've been sick.

I wake up sick. Force down lunch sick. And go to bed really sick.

But who is sick for 7 straight weeks 24 hours a day?! You ask.

It's simple.

Someone who is pregnant.

And pregnant, I am.

:)