When my midwife handed him up to me and I looked into his face for the first time, I saw myself.
His face was mine and mine was his. I was surprised by this because, like I said, I had expected to be looking down at a little Drew and instead there were my eyes. There was my face.
That night I washed my face before bed and as I patted it dry with a crispy hospital towel I saw my face in the mirror for the first time since Westley was born. I did a double take because I saw my face in a different way than I ever had before. I saw Westley. For the first time I felt proud of what I saw. For the first time my first response wasn't to go to what was wrong with what looked back at me, my first response was, surprisingly, love. I felt content. Bloated post-prego moonface and all. I loved what I saw because I finally saw that what God made was good. He made Westley, he made me and what he made was beautiful.
I don't know if I would have ever seen this without Westley.
What a sweet little gift he is in so many ways.
Speaking of gifts I have one for you.
An 8x10 poster design you can save and print for yourself or a friend or both. Whatever you'd like.
The quote is actually a lyric from an OAR song called Home. Because when I see Westley's face I remember my own. What that means to me is I remember who I am. Same goes for Drew. When I see his face I remember my own. Their faces make me feel home. Their faces remind me of who I am and who I am becoming because of them.
So to accept my gift to you, just click the image to make it large, drag it to your desktop (or right click to save) and then you have it to print!
Also in case you missed it and are interested, here are the links to Westley's birth story:
I'm always either laughing or crying when I read this blog. I think that's a good thing :)
ReplyDeleteThank you x a billion for putting into words what I've been trying to understand for a while now. Since becoming pregnant, I've finally learned to love and accept this body of mine. How can I question what God gave me when it's doing such an amazing thing?
Dang! It's the ugly mommy cry! I know this feeling too, since I have a little mini-E. Even with all the bad pregnancy did to my body, I still feel more beautiful with my little sidekick than ever before.
ReplyDeleteLove the print...thanks girl!
I read that poster before I read the rest of the post.
ReplyDeleteI'd take it a step farther... I feel like that is a mutual thing between us and God as well. I'd like to think of God saying that.
Or imagine if we said that every day to God. How quickly would we remember we are made in his image?!
Good stuff.
Beautiful mother emotions on this Wednesday morning! I too totally expecting my little Willem to come out looking like his Daddy and in the first few weeks he did match Daddy's baby pictures exactly. But now he looks more and more like me. Funny thing is, he totally has my eyes and my nose, two things I haven't liked about myself. But like you said, when I see it on him, it is adorable and beautiful and 100 other things. So that in turn, helps me to see myself in a different way. Oh the wonderful things of motherhood.
ReplyDeleteWillem has his daddy's personality 100% though so he is a good mixture of us and I love that!
Such a sweet thought. I was very surprised that Mason looked like me as well! Now he's starting to look more and more like Jon but that's ok too...Jon is pretty handsome! Such an amazing experience that you don't realize will have such a huge impact on you until it's here! Thanks for the beautiful poster!
ReplyDeleteSo so beautiful, Candis.
ReplyDeleteYou. The post. Westley. All of it.
And thank you for that sweet print. What a happy surprise.
making me tear up at work...
ReplyDeletethis is really beautiful. and i adore that picture of you two.
ReplyDeleteLady Lee--I always mean to comment more on your blog, but things get busy at work and then I forget later on in the evening. But I love all your posts. Really and truly. I can relate to this one as well. I still look at Jude and expect to see more of my husband--but there are my eyes staring right back at me.
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ReplyDeleteThat is just a beautiful realization Lady Lee! How God uses our children to bless and woo us never ceases to amaze me.
ReplyDeleteBetween you and E, I am not going to stop crying this morning. Such a beautiful post. I also really relate to this. It is crazy how hard on myself I was before Jackson was born and now I am like "what was I thinking?" Even though all the nurses told me he didn't look anything like me, I saw myself in his eyes and I still do. And the way he looks at me and smiles with those big eyes makes me feel so beautiful and loved. Amazing.
ReplyDeleteThis post is too much. I can't handle how incredibly beautiful and moving it is. Lady Lee, your heart and words are a GIFT in themselves. "For the first time I felt proud of what I saw." I can't handle it. Cry fest.
ReplyDeletePS: I just noticed that Drew Jones commented "making me tear up at work." You're little family is a full-out blessing via the internet, you know that?
ReplyDeleteI love that Drew Jones comments on your blog. That. Is. Adorable. Can't wait to have this feeling with a tiny TW someday :)
ReplyDeleteyou. you. so sweet.
ReplyDeleteThe picture of you and Westley is so sweet. Is that a hospital gown you're wearing? Because it looks like something lovely.
ReplyDeletethis is so sweet... just beautiful.
ReplyDeleteisn't motherhood the raddest?
Oh a tear or two fell. And then I read Drews comment. Thanks for sharing. This is lovely.
ReplyDeleteI re-read the comments and saw Drew Jones' and started to cry again. You Jones' are killing me!
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