I knew he wouldn't come on that day though. Or early. I would humor people that would say, "Oh he could come anytime!" when I was looking ripe. But I knew he would be late. I knew he wanted to stay as long as he could and I wanted him there as long as was safe.
If I let myself I could get all teary right this very moment at the fact that I am so lucky, so blessed, so favored, to have been given this angel boy. I worried from the moment I saw the stick read "pregnant" about his health. That is what we do, us Moms. We worry. And we tell ourselves not to worry. We tell other Moms not to worry. We reason that it will not change a thing to worry one more moment. And then we worry the moments away. All the worry was for nothing, because he is here. Tall, pink cheeked, smart, and healthy. Thank you Jesus. Thank you thank you thank you. I'll forever thank you.
"I will always love you no matter what may come.
I carried you inside myself, the two of us are one.
No matter how you fall down or how it comes undone
to me you will always be shining."
- Willy Porter, Unconditional
you are a wonderful mom
ReplyDeletehe is such a special and smart boy
Im so thankful for him.
Tears, Candis Jones!
ReplyDeleteOh, I love that pink cheeked angel boy.
And he is so beautiful and sweet. I wonder where he gets that from? ;)
ReplyDeleteI think this way now already and I'm still years away from babies. Recently I had a lot of complications with cysts and there was even talk at one point of removing an ovary. All I could think about was the babies I don't even know yet
ReplyDeleteWe had the same due date :)
ReplyDelete(Not the same birthday though, my son was born on the 24th.)
Happy for you, you have a beautiful boy there.
It's like telling someone not to worry if any other family member contracted an illness that was fatal even a little bit of the time. We would call that person crazy, but most people don't want to talk about that fear that mothers have...
ReplyDeleteand congrats on the almost 1 year old! So sweet.
Isn't it amazing you've had him for almost a whole year?
ReplyDeleteI too remember feeling so much anxiety about the health of my first child. My second pregnancy was much more peaceful. I guess after feeling all this love for my first son, I felt much less fear about my second. I knew I had love for him, healthy or not.
I was going to respond to you there but I feel like I always need to come back to release you from the responsibility of checking for any reply I may have had.
ReplyDeleteYou you make have big 'ol appreciation tears. It has been so stressful and painful at times. Endometriosis was of course tossed around a possibility to me as well, and at one point I even got a "we need you to get your blood tested TODAY" phone call for high levels of cancer-indicating things.
A little healer baby is what I want so badly. As a kid I swore up and down I wouldn't have kids and I'm sure at some point made whatever "deal" with God I could as long as He would ensure I was babeless for life. I never realized how badly I wanted them until there was a possibility that I couldn't, or that it would be difficult. Now I just want as many as I can and hopefully all the mama lovin' will negate my once horrible wishes.
I'm so glad you got a little healer Westley and I'm so glad you shared that comment.
Maybe you are Claire, afterall.
Um also ignore that the second paragraph I typed sounds on the verge of primitive English.
ReplyDeletecrying. like for reals.
ReplyDeletemotherhood is amazing. the good and the bad. both amazing in some way.
ReplyDeletei'm not sure how "overdue" you were but i got to experience that too and quite the experience it is. each day feels like a week. all mental i think!