So when I saw the cover my jaw dropped, just like yours.
Here is why:
That is not what breastfeeding looks like. Anyone who has ever breastfed or been around someone breastfeeding a baby child knows this. Everything about the photo looks like it was directly influenced by the person behind the camera...
I can see it now,
"Lets put your son on a chair here...
now look at me and don't smile. Put your hand on your hip...
Son, look into the camera over here, let your hands hang to your sides, there you go..."
and
SNAP
We have a photo that can be over-sexualized reaaaal quick and a woman who looks defiant. And with the headline "ARE YOU MOM ENOUGH?" well, she is looking self-righteous too.
Bummer.
Why?
Because I like to believe the best in people.
So I promptly went to her blog and started reading everything she wrote about breastfeeding.
You know what I found?
She is not self-righteous. Not in the least. In fact I would assume that if she knew what that photo would look like and knew what the headline to her story would be she wouldn't have agreed to it at all. Ya'll, she has an entire blog post dedicated to being an advocate for Moms who formula feed, almost scolding women who say hurtful things about it. This woman is graceful, understanding, an advocate for Mothers in general whatever route they decide in parenting, not just attachment parenting Moms who extend breastfeeding into childhood.
I think she was trying to help us breastfeeding Moms. Trying to forge ahead and be brave and show the world that breastfeeding is NOT weird. It is NOT gross.
Sadly, I think Time Magazine had other plans - selling magazines.
So now it feels like we have just taken steps backward instead of forward. Now all those people who give us dirty looks while we are feeding our infant under a nursing cover in a discreet corner of a department store have got fuel added to their ignorant fire. Not to mention Mommy-Wars.
I can only hope that people read her words in the actual article and that some even take it a step farther and read her blog. That way they can see past the sensational cover that, to me, has nothing to do with what this woman was actually trying to do or say.
Loved this.
ReplyDeleteYOU SAID IT. And you said it well. There's no sense in fighting: let's just feed our kids and make our own informed decisions about how we'll do it.
I can't get the link to her blog to work though?
With all the mud-slinging going on about her on Twitter, not one person has mentioned that she has a blog. Very telling.
I guess it is down from all the traffic. Maybe try again over the weekend...
ReplyDeletehttp://iamnotthebabysitter.com/
I could have cried when I saw the cover. That is not what breastfeeding your child looks like, even as they are toddlers. It's an intimate, comforting experience that should be kept that way and not judged. All the progress we have made encouraging people to breastfeed beyond the age of 1 has been squashed thanks to the greedy media.
ReplyDeleteLike we're all on a better than thou crusade to make people feel like crap for formula feeding. Feed you kids whatever you want to. Love and comfort them via the breast or bottle. And for gosh sake ladies leave each other alone. Aren't we all stressed out enough? No need to make another mamma feel bad.
This cover shocked/bothered me too, and I think you articulated the reason so perfectly: this isn't what breastfeeding looks like. The cover is clearly meant to provoke, and that's a shame, because some people will immediately write off not only the mama on the cover, but the concept she's standing behind, too. And like you, I've read her blog (and seen the Today Show interview) and think she seems perfectly sweet and non-judgmental/self-righteous. It's too bad Time chose such a polarizing cover.
ReplyDeleteThanks Candis! I love that you shine light on real stories.
ReplyDeleteSide note: totally have been reading her blog for a while but didn't make the connection that it was her on the time magazine cover! Because you are right, that picture is not a proper reflection of the real person.
Excellent post, thanks, Candis! I love that you took the time to read through her blog to get a sense for what she is like, because she really is amazing. She is the biggest supporter pporter of "whatever is best for your family" of anyone I know.
ReplyDeleteAnd for those trying to access her blog, it's crashing from all the traffic, but keep trying!
Totally agree. I saw her on The Today Show this morning and she seemed so sweet, like the nicest person in the world. She commented something to the affect of everyone just doing what's right for their family and it was clear that she wasn't trying to shove extended bf'ing or AP down anyone's throat.
ReplyDeleteIt's definitely unfortunate how this was portrayed and like you said- fuel to the ignorant fire.
One more thing! Just wanted to share this post on "mommy wars" - a friend shared it on facebook and it is SO.GOOD. Excellent point of view.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.rageagainsttheminivan.com/2012/05/where-is-mommy-war-for-motherless-child.html
I feel for her little boy. Someday, somewhere, someone will pull this picture out and harass him. I don't think this is any semblance of what she wanted.
ReplyDeleteagreed on the cover. it screams: let's start the mommy wars!!
ReplyDeleteHey! Someone sent me this post and I just wanted to comment and say thank you. It is so cool to see women being discerning and sticking up for each other. We did not deliberately pose like this for the cover. My biggest issue is my son's arms that he dropped a few times because he was getting tired. The shot on light box shows him a few minutes later sleeping and me cradling and holding him. It is unfortunate the TIME editors ultimately chose a shot that we felt the photographer, the editors present, and the subjects that posed wanted. It was such a comfortable setting. Shoot lasted a few minutes and they let us stop whenever we wanted. If they asked us to pose like that we would have said no. We knew there was a risk going into this when we gave up creative control to TIME, but they had been working so hard on the article with Dr. Sears (a lovely and nonjudgmental man) we assumed they were doing a balanced piece on him.
ReplyDeleteI am not worried for my son an this picture, our life is different than most and we took that into consideration prior to posing. What I am so sad about is the media perpetuating these false wars and making mothers feel like they need to attack others or that they are inadequate in any way. My passion and heart is with mothers. Ironically, that is why we posed. We wanted to show there is no shame in parenting your child the way that is right for you, even if it goes against societal norms. We happen to breastfeed in our family because that is what works for us. If we happened to be a bottle feeding family I would be talking to people about my own experiences being judged with that.
My hope is that this was a bit of a wake up call to women to realize we need to all ban together and say no to judgment of others because marketers and the media are making money off of these fake war. I am incredibly sad to be a part of that, but I have no regrets in showing the world that breastfeeding past infancy is a wonderful option for some families.
Anyway, thank you so much for figuring it out so soon after the cover came out.